1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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