I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize