I hope mine doesn't look like that
Who did Billy Mays play for?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
