So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
