i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
