I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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