I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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