so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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