Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize