I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I need a beard to bite.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
