The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
