We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
