i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
this hospital has no fireball
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
