Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
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