so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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