are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
