even my farts smell like vagina
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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