Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
