Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
