i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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