I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Is it penis luge time yet?
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I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
dude. I can hear the air.
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