This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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