FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
