Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
