he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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