____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
