out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
