i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
