was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
whose ass print is on the piano?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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