I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
