I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
