she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
