apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
