Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
