OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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