did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize