im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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