It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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