Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
