She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
