I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
