mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
