Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
