Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
