Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
