Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
