I met the friendliest cop last night
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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