Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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