I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
