How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
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