I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
