I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
God, I missed his penis.
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