i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
