I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
