Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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