Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
