The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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