I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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