yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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