Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
