Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
