either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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